god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
