The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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