plz talk dirty to me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
