bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
