oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
