He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
