I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
