so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
