Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
