Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
