Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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