It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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