You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
