sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
