and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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