The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize