I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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