No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize