I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
