Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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