I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
