Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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