Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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