I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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