I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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