you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wear drunk well.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
