I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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