please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize