Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
