I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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