If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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