Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
