so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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