I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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