Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
