Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
