funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
