My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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