In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
