I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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