I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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