I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
