so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
