Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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