What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
