grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
