She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize