I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
even my farts smell like vagina
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
