am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
