just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Someone signed my nipple.
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