I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
