There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
