why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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