i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
