Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
