Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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