im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
