I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
