I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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