Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
