I want to have your abortion
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
