i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh god it's open bar.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
