Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
