So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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