I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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