4 words: hood of his car
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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