i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize