I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
