Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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