Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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