He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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