Capitaan dildo arrescate!
well you can't waste a boner
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
