apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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